It's not like...

It’s not like they were one of your own kids…

It’s not like you were going to keep them…

It’s not like you didn’t see this coming…

It’s not like you were their real mom…

These statements come from well-meaning family and friends.  People whom I love and respect. 

And I get it. 

They love me.  They don’t like to see me sad or hurt.  They don’t understand, and how could they, really?  

So, they try to put things into perspective and comfort me with the words, “It’s not like…”

But it is.

It is EXACTLY like.

The foster children who come into our home are EXACTLY like our own kids.  They get hungry, tired, scared, lonely, hurt, happy, and loved. 

Just "like" my other kids.

I know that we won’t be keeping all of the kids we open our hearts and our home to, but we treat them as if we will.  We don’t hold anything back “just in case” they aren’t a permanent part of our family. 

We can’t.

I can’t.

If I keep these little ones at arm’s length because I know their stay with our family will be brief, what good will that do them?  

Or me?  

If I treat this like a babysitting gig, I will get tired of them or frustrated with them.  And then, what?  If we get the call that we are keeping them, do I turn around and give my love to them “like” my own kids?  

Nope.  

That’s not how it works.

From the moment we get the call and accept the placement, they are mine.  

Just “like” my other kids.  

I feed them, clothe them, entertain them, teach them, love them, worry about them, and pray for them. 

What do I get in return?  

More laundry to do, more appointments to go to, more paperwork to keep track of, more sleepless nights, more food to prepare, and more messes to clean up.

Just “like” my other kids.

I also get more sticky kisses, more crayon portraits, more cuddly snuggles, more spontaneous hugs, and more unconditional love. 

Just “like” my other kids.

So, the next time I send one of these little ones on to their families, please omit the phrase, "not like" from your vocabulary for a few weeks.

Because...

It is like they were one of my own kids.

It is like we loved them as if we were going to keep them.

I may have known this was coming, but in all honesty,

It is like I was their mommy.

If only for a little while.